I wish I only lived at night.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
