The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
