That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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