i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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