I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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