We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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