Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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