i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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