This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
