she looked like the before picture.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
