weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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