I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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