I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
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