I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
