I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
