Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize