Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
