I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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