Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It's blow job season.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize