I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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