So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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