So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
