I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
