I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
