Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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