no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
