He disabled his match.com account in front of me
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
