I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
