Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm way too hungover for life right now
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
