phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
