I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
