He uses pillows to masturbate.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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