i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
