I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize