I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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