he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
