My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
