she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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