i just made my gag reflex go away.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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