you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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