Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I can't turn off my feet"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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