HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
