why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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