after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
