you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
