The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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