hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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