? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
