My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
