The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
