i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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