and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
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