i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize