I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I have peed in a lot of sinks
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
