All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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