I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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