I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
