You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
