Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
