I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
