I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
