What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
