he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize