I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
