her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize