I CAN MOONWALK!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
