I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
