There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
