and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
