Can i not drive my cunt home
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
