what day is it and did you see me today?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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