I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
