If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
