Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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