Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Is this like a preordered booty call?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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