Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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