I wannas sexs uuuuu
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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