One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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