I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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