So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I want to be your penis for a week.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
