She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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