even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Randomize
